Growing Up

Psychologists have published enough books on human development to fill at least a few Amazon warehouses. Every week it seems we hear of a new approach to child rearing, promising a magic formula for producing happy, competent, well adjusted adults. These days you don't need a PhD to get your ideas out there. Any blogger now has the chance to reach millions of people with the only credentials necessary are a keyboard and an internet connection. Despite this over saturation pop psychology overload, there is also a lot of great, evidence- based prescriptions coming from experts who are worth listening to. The science of Neurobiology is fascinating and grounded in cutting edge research.

Attachment theory is now a classic approach to understanding how humans tick, but science continues to unveil the the profound effect that childhood experiences can have on people's lives, effects that linger throughout adulthood. It should be noted that this is not the same as psychoanalytic theory which probes the ways that childhood experiences create unconscious desires and behaviors that must be explored at a deep intellectual level in order to have the insight required to change behavior.

Problems with attachment, from a neurobiological perspective, don't necessarily require a deep probe of the metaphors of unconscious in order to feel better. What it does require is an interruption in the cycle of toxic relationships, whereas people learn to attract those that offer healthy emotional bonds based on respect and mutual unconditional positive regard. Sometimes the only way to first experience this kind of relationship is to find a person from outside your usual cohort, a therapist or friend that can challenge you to experience a new way of relating to others. Consistent positive relating actually changes the physical structure of the brain.

This creates an opportunity not just to heal and attract healthier people into one's life, but a pathway to passing into a new developmental stage. Erik Erickson's classic definition of these stages holds a lot of truth today. Check it out. Where do you land? Are you right on track or stuck in a stage that you are ready to put behind you?